Until then--

Get the hell out of here!

No more I want you here, close to me.

While my defected self  lives lightly over life

the floor rocks, life dies around me.

Because wherever I go, nothing but pain and destruction

Because whatever I touch The Touch Of Gold prevails,

killing everything in its eccense, replacing it with an empty and shinny shell.

Don't touch me for I am cursed.

***

No friend like you, no one like you,

because no one can stand the drama and light-headednessof the self.

No need to do it no more.

Better of alone I am then with anyone else.

Let me be just a light breeze through life that touches no one

and moves no lieves.

The breeze that simply floats on the world and looks at it withough changind it,

withough leaving the slytest mark.

Leave me to myself and no one else. For both of us.

I need to be toghether with my self.

Only I can stand me, and I can handle it (as always).

I became tougher the last few weeks. Karma/Destiny/Life taught me

that you can only trust yourself  if  you want to live.

Trust yourself. I'll trust myself.

Let me go back to my dark corner in my dark closet now with the fake colours of discovery.

Don't trust me, trust no one and leave.

Whyle there is still dignity. Because, as someone told me, thats the only thing that there is left.

It is only my last thing to go, dignity.

And it goes as easily as all the rest. So i'll cut myself off the world of the living

and fill the void with study and useless culture.

Here and now I say GoodBye to you and ask you not to suffer no more.

Let the wound heal nicely until all that's left is a small scar of memory in the back of your mind.

And then when that's done, don't come back to re-open it.

Maybe it'll work out the next time around :)

Au Revoir.

My Soul and Dark Room

Here I come again
to my dark room, alone in my order.
Because that's all I have ever known.

Here in my mind, life does not run pass you.
Here, time is still and you do not get older
nor younger.

This is my thinking place,
My temple, my Self.

And it's here that I sit alone
feeling cold, alone.
Wandering weather the world out there would miss me.
Wondering weather someone would want to know My Room.

Because alone is as good as bad
And because a soul seeks for truth,
for companionship.

I do not hide. I wait.
From the beginning of time I've searched the world
and never found.
Still my Soul is strong in will to survive,
to search for its missing pieces.

What guides me is a will to be part of the new
and yet be so attached to the past.
The dichotomy of the soul is
and will be the reason for humanitarian and rational.

But here, in my dark corner of mind
it rests. It rests and things of going out again
searching.
But the pain for the misleading is overwhelming
And it makes me sad for the insignificance
I am to myself, to the other.
It's its only way to try and survive: to ache.

Pathetic attempt to stay straight
while you're already on your knees.

Maxwell Black
25 April 2009
09.13pm

Desgustingness of my existance

Once more the pain of the unberable past

aches on my chest.

But now the past is present and the pain is just more pain.

Pathetic existence that I so hard try to justify and pitty.

The desgustingness of the existense I try to fake

just to realise that the empty shell is still and empty shell.

Like a pathetic newborn that cryes, revolving in his own piss and shit and puke.

The revolution of failure and repulsion for the reflexion that is still what was,

while you rejoice in the indifferense of my pain.

And the more I think the more the repulse grows for self-pitty is desgusting on its own.

The cold and emptyness that once stood is once more enviting to its company

just for the fear of being alone.

I rather be back on my own, alone with myself. I don't want you here anymore.

Please, leave me to me and go and make your pain someone elses.

Indeed my fault for you told me not to fall in love. I do regret where it brought me.

Nothing more I can do now but to live once more with my mistakes for being a never learner.

I hate you for making me love you.

Maxwell R. Black

14 April 2009

02.43am

David, The Caged Bird

 3pm. The door opened and Daniel, a ten years old boy came into the room, running up the stairs. He could only think of one thing: his bird. As usual, the cage was in his desk, in front of the window. He looked at his grey bird. Singing his joyfull song the bird was looking outside. Daniel went across the room throwing his schoolbag to the floor and running to the cage as he did every afternoon. He used to spend ours looking at his bird, thinking, until his parents get home. He could hear the other kids outside, playing. School was over.
  - One day we'll fly away. - said Daniel to the bird. - I am so tired of being in this cage which bares that can't be seen. But I know they are there. Do you also feel trapped? - The bird stared at him for a wile and then continued whith his usual 'nothing to do'. - I guess you don't. After all who likes being trapped? But one day I will be free. - Daniel repeated. - Am I the only one waiting for fredom? Everybody else at school doen't seem to care about that. They're always talking and playing With hich other. Adults think I am living an illusion and dreaming. If this is a dream then reality must be much worse than this. I don't know whichis worse... I hate being here in this zoo, this reality. I dream that one day someone comes to me and says that all this is a test and I've passed. - One minute passed, both him and the bird silent. Daniel's vision surpassed the cage and focoused in a group of kids of his oun age playing in the middle of the street.
  - But why am I holding you here, then? I'm being worse then tey are. I am holding you here preventing you from being free. - Daniel oppened his bedroom window and the cage door and, as soon as he realised he could be free, he flew away. Daniel's green eyes filled with tears as he saw his best friend flying to fredom.
  - One day I will join you. One day I'll fly away.
 
Maxwell
(Corrected and Re-written)
06/11/06

Apenas mais um...

Quando te sentes morto por dentro 
E a tua razão de viver já não te quer 
Então deverá o teu corpo morrer também? 
Porque depois do fim não vem nada 
E antes do fim apenas uma coisa importante acontece 
Coisa essa que não e segura 
E a qualquer momento pode ruir 
Quando o amor por ti acabou 
Então devera vir a morte para te levar 
Para sempre. 
_____ 

Então que seja assim o final 
Se essa a vontade do destino for: 
Uma morte fria, dolorosa 
Sozinha e lenta 
Que te come por dentro, lentamente 
Como larvas num cadáver putrefacto. 
Então, assim seja. 
Morrerei pois sozinho 
Sem a pessoa que amo 
Olhando para as estrelas do céu 
Que lá continuarão, como antes da minha existência. 
Agora livre sou 
Agora triste estou 
Chorando sozinho num canto 
E pensando no quão feliz fui. 
Que assim seja. 
Que se realize este triste final 
E que se finalize esta existência no meio de tantas outras. 
Apenas um grão de areia na imensidão do mundo 
Apenas mais um… 


Demeter 
15/07/06